Archive for the ‘ holidays ’ Category

Chuseok 2012

Rabbit moon is in the sky tonight, so my friends on the other side will be preparing for a long holiday weekend thanks to Chuseok, the Korean autumn harvest holiday. Last year a bunch of us got a place on the beach for a weekend of monkeyshines. This year I’m still hoboin’ so it’s not like I need the day off of work (what with not having a job and everything).

I will miss the obligatory Chuseok gifts.

One year I got a year’s supply of hand soap. A ten pack of toothpaste before that. Panicked, a friend of mine tried to unload a portion of the six pounds of bananas they were given. Yes. Six pounds. Bananas. The fruit with the least lasting power.

I wonder what I would have set on my apartment floor this year if I’d stayed, puzzled at where to store it given that Korean one rooms have very limited storage capacity.

The practical gifts (toothpaste, soap) were ideal. Saved ever having to buy it that year. The food stuffs, while a lovely gesture, were difficult, especially the fresh fruits (Got a bushel of apples once. Most of them went bad. Who could eat that many apples on their own??) or the crates of canned processed meats that I wouldn’t eat on principal alone (and I’ll eat pretty much everything).


2012: Beyond Thunderdome

2011 is canceled, everyone go home!!

Tragically I lost an earring to 2011, and I know that shit is lost forever like tears in the rain. So it goes! Now on to business:

Bottle caps. Only 355 days to get a jump start on collecting the post apocalyptic currency!



This is… I do t even know where to begin. I bought it for the fact that it was a boozy juice box. I think that explains it all. It’s not as awful as I would have anticipated, and actually better than most bottled cheap sangrias I’ve endured. However, I tend to make my own and that set the standard. But really now. Look at this thing.

Happy Thanksgiving

Everyone knows that Thanksgiving follows Hanks Giving Day on the fourth Thursday in November. In honor of this festive  holiday, and a self-imposed 24 hour Three Stooges Marathon, I decided to do a little investigative journalism on the history of the pie-in-the-face as a vehicle for humor.

I tracked down L. Klongrie, Ph.D (MA DeVry, BA, ITT Tech), a lecturer at Phoenix University (not the city), and the leading authority on the history of this cultural fad. While his theories often attract the criticism of other leading pie experts, Dr. Klongrie has been able to refute their claims time and time again with rock solid evidence.

In his book The Pie-ble, he notes that it’s a common misconception that the Bible contains the first mention of a pie in the face  as humor. Corinthians 2:33 describes a “confectionery wonder,” and the scene is often depicted in religious art of the Italian renaissance as luscious pie. However, they didn’t have levened bread at that point so it wouldn’thave been pie. Historians think it was an upside down cake, possibly pineapple in nature.The first undisputed account of a pie in the face occurs in the Shakespearean play Henry VIII, Act II, scene iii.

Lies To Tell My Kids

This week I have to do the rounds and give my kids a lesson in American Thanksgiving. I’m considering making it more interesting and telling them that Americans celebrate Hanks Giving Day the fourth Wednesday of November, where you have to give your friends a copy of a Tom Hanks movie lest they be obligated to assault you with a frozen salmon. It’s tradition! I suppose I’ll have my kids decorate their own volleyballs tomorrow to kill time.

Good morning, children. What are you Hanksful for?

Dia de los Muertos, everyone

It’s that time of year again, kids. I miss making sugar skulls… I used to do it every year for Dia de los Muertos, but I can’t seem to find meringue powder in all of Korea. *le sigh*. This year I taught my 4th graders the business and had them paint a skull mask for their project. Spreading culture is the most important part of this job, after all.

Happy Halloween From Your Friendly Neighborhood Non-Spy

  As Halloween falls upon a Monday this year, Saturday became the official day of party. It was a day of performance piece. I went out as a “not a cold war spy” and set about town delivering messages and transmissions. I had a series of paper telegraphs which I delivered to unsuspecting patrons in my travels, saying something along the lines of, “Red squirrel runs at midnight.”

The following messages have been delivered:

    • The Admiral’s Mermaid. Dock #3. Plutonium cargo, box 3, 5, 7. 0325
    • The cake’s in the satchel. First plane to Beirut. Acknowledge at once.
    • Procure the transcripts at any costs. End transmission.
    • The graceful mallard nips at noon.
    • Magnesium. Minus 4. Belvedere. Keep calm and carry on.
    • Red sky at night, sailors tie their shoes.
    • Brown suitcase. Imperial hotel. Room, 412. Let no one see you.
    • Loose lips sink ships.
    • Third bench. Winslowe Park. 0815.
    • Microfilm spills the beans. Evacuate immediately.
    • Watch your shadow. Abandoned missile silo? 512 N. Maple Ave.
    • The fisherman’s a spy. Destroy him at once. Flee before noon.
    • Switch the green suitcase. This message will self-destruct.
    • The man in the black hat knows. Abandon the plan at once.
    • Red squirrel snowboards at dawn.
    • The Colonel jogs at 0545. Bring your hat,
    • Return the microfilm at once.
    • The emerald spider weaves at dusk.
    • London. NY. LA. 534792. The albatross has landed.
    • The Mediterranean olives don’t lie. Watch your razor.