Archive for the ‘ Fun Facts For Cool Cats ’ Category

It’s beer o’clock!

Fun fact for cool cats: it’s always beer o’clock somewhere.

 

 

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Today’s beer o’clock beer is the Black & Tan, which seemed approps what with it being St. Patrick’s Day and all. There’s a science to layering it in the American fashion, and having a proper spoon can make the difference. Personally I use this one, which in addition to being wide, is shaped like a turtle and thus it pleases me immensely. Then all you need is a pale ale, a Guinness, and a pint glass. Remember, Guinness on top, and you’re good to go! Practice makes perfect, and even messed up ones are still delicious.

 

Toodles!

 

 

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VH1 Behind The Music: The Otter Pops

Part of growing up is having your childhood ruined. For some,  it would be a gritty My Little Pony reboot. For others, an inferior “new adventures of” TV series.

For me it was reexamining the Otter Pops phenomenon.

The backstory for these ice pops is dark and tragic. Let’s examine them one by one:

1. Poncho: guitar/vocals, 2-dimensional stereotype with bouts of megalomania.

2. Lil’ Orphan Orange: Parents died in a tragic accident, and she was “discovered” by Poncho and put to work (child labor, human trafficking) Possibly manic depressive, with a dog named Mellon Collie.

3. Louie-Bloo Raspberry: A French beat poet. Likely has alcohol and substance abuse problems. Also, a fetishist.

4. Alexander the Grape: Speaks over 900 languages and knows every bit of trivia ever? Forced to play triangle in a band? I  haven’t seen exploitation this bad since Rainman.

5. Sir Isaac Lime: Disgraced world-renowned professor now reduced to playing the piano in a Chucky Cheese. Draw your own conclusions.

6. Strawberry Short Kook: Oh my. Where to even begin? Negligent parents, and growing up in a bad neighborhood, before being forced into child labor to play drums.

I shed a tear. I shed a tear…

This One’s Gonna Be A Bit Sticky… (Sex Egg)

Last night I was sitting with a few friends in the Mexican cantina, shooting the shit. My buddy had just returned from an impromptu weekend trip to Japan that involved a cancelled ferry back to Korea,  playing hide-and-go-seek barefoot in the typhoon, and visiting the local sex shops.

I’m not here to judge.

I mean about playing hide-and-go-seek. The sex shop thing is something you are required to do.

 

He apologized for not bringing anything for us ladies. He did, however, bring that little thing in the picture for one of the eggs. The girl from England knew exactly what it was, as they had recently exploded on the market there. It’s a big deal. Somehow it never made it to American shores.

What is it?

A sex egg.

Easter for adults!

From what I understand from the company’s website (Tenga.uk) , it’s a single use fleshlight.  And they come in six varietites! Sex eggs for everyone!

Adventures in Costco in a foreign land

I found myself on the 11:50am to Daejeon. While my previous night’s activities were supposed to be light and easy, the photographic evidence proved contrary.  I never did care for being told what to do,  even when it was me doing the telling. I have to stop telling myself it’s going to be an easy night.

The train pulled into Seodaejeon just shy of 2pm. My mind was still rotating and I kept getting distracted by animals. “ANIMALS~!” I’d shout and point out the window.

Never again. Never again.

The Daejeon Costco is a magical thing. Because it’s an adventure to go and my weekends book in advance, I usually only make it there once a semester. I truly know how 16th century European explorers felt…traveling afar and returning with gold, spices, and things otherwise absent from their homeland. For among the many delicacies housed only in Costco, there is champagne that’s cheap and doesn’t taste like Koolaid.  There are cheeses. Real ones. Bacon that you can’t see through when it’s cooked. Real chocolate. A goddamn turkey.

The cafeteria is a treat too. For only there can you see a crowd of people going ape shit over onions. No joke. Like, people getting a mountain of onions on a plate. And then throwing them out at the end. It’s absurd. I’m told that it takes the place of the many side dishes typically served in any given Korean restaurant, however, there the side dishes are small. Not a goddamn plateful that gets dumped at the end.

Perhaps it’s the novelty of dispensing one’s own condiments? Perhaps…but at the DIY condiment bars in kimbabnaras I’ve never seen anything that compares. Maybe it’s the general panicked, surplus attitude of Costco that does it. Perhaps we’ll never know…

So what happened?

Some reflections on a few things that have changed since November 3rd 2009:

-I got a gold tooth during an adventure at a Korean dentist

-I experienced winter for the first time (Since that post about flakes of snow on 11/3/09 I came to discover it was nothing compared to what Korea had in store for me between December and February…

-My parents came to visit me in Korea and I showed them the sites.

-I visited Hong Kong, Shanghai, Macau, and did a short stint back in CA for two weeks. The USA, oddly enough, was the most intense of the bunch in that re-adapting to understanding everything said around me was more overwhelming than I thought.

– I learned to ice skate

– I signed on for a second contract year and have made some plans to teach some more and take a stab at grad school in Seoul. I’ve had friends come and go as contracts end and begin~

-I got some goldfish. Collectively they are named Fish Boys.

-Earthquakes in Haiti and Chile

-North Korea probably sunk the Cheonnan. Kim Jong Il’s son started motions towards succession.  Only time will tell if he’s as  bat shit crazy as his padre.

-I’ve read a lot of books and done a lot more traveling around the ROK

-In the spring I visited the DMZ and JSA to have a gander at some communists and see how close I could get to the border. (Fun fact: about three feet into North Korea)

It’s August 25th.

So what’s the big deal?

There are 128 days left in the year. Better catch up on those New Years Resolutions you forgot about by January 12th!

In 1688 Henry Morgan dies. Years later he would finally be honored the way he was meant to… By sticking his image on a bottle of rum and generating one of the most hilarious alcohol campaign’s in history by advocating that someone has a lil’ captain in them.

In 1786 King Ludwig I is born, just in case you were wondering. That was today.

In 1814, the White House and Washington DC were burned during a campaign in the ill-named Battle of 1812.

The New York Sun pulls the wool over our eyes in 1835 with “The Great Moon Hoax”

In 1910 Yellow Cab is founded to the delight of drunks everywhere

Paris is liberated in 1944

In 1991 Belarus declares independence from the Soviet Union.

It’s Gene Simmons birthday, as well as Billy Ray Cyrus’  (but we won’t talk about that mess. Wait…)

It’s National Independence Day for Uruguay. Do you know where that is? Here’s a hint, they used to belong to Brazil until 1825.

THE MORE YOU KNOW!

A Subject You May Know Nothing About

On August 24th, 79 AD, Mt Vesuvius went kaput and buried the cities of Pompeii, Herculaneum, and Stabiae, as well as having lasting geological effects across the globe. After all, it was one of the largest explosions ever recorded. It wouldn’t be the last time, as it went to town again in 1631.

In 79 AD between 10,000 and 25,000 people were estimated to have been killed. You can see some of their pumice filled corpses on display in the position that they were in at the time of said event. Neat!

I guess I should stop bitching about these 4.2 earthquakes.