Corn Maze. Maize?


Okay, one more adventure before I head back to California and my around the world adventure officially comes to a close. My cousins invited me to experience the delightful piece of Americana known as “the corn maze” that seems to be the hip thing to do this time of year. This one was in a place called Centerville. I think. I really have no sense of geography in this part of the country.

That doesn’t look like corn…

Well no shit.

I love the fuck out of mazes. It was easy when I was a kid because everything felt bigger. As an adult…let’s just say it’s harder to get the same experience.

When I was in middle school my family went on a cross country road trip, and one of the stops was to have a gander at Mount Rushmore in South Dakota before we turned around. This was back in, what, 1997? ’98? Around then. I was extremely disappointed with Mount Rushmore. Or, I should say, the viewing area. At least back then, you were faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr away so the monument looked small, as things tend to do thanks to the principals of distance and perception. And you had to pay a quarter for those stationary binoculars national parks have.

“Fuck that noise!” I said.

And you say, “What does this have to do with corn mazes?”

Silver linings, brother. Silver linings. That stop in South Dakota turned out to be one of the best in the trip thanks to this MASSIVE wooden maze located nearby. It was a huge outdoor complex with high wooden walls that they changed out occasionally so the paths would be different every month or so. You bought a ticket, and the back had an outline of Mt. Rushmore. There were four wooden towers in the maze, and each one had a stamp of one of the president’s faces. The goal of the maze was to finish Mt. Rushmore and find your way out. It was amazing. I did it at least twice.

This corn maze had a similar task, and I enjoyed that immensely. Brought me back to middle school. The task was located in a smaller section of the maze, so it wasn’t as intense as the Mt. Rushmore one, but it certainly added to the experience.

You were given a card and had to solve a crime, like a game of clue but with walking. The farmer is missing, and you have to make like Horatio. There were pictures in the maze that gave you clues as to who didn’t do it, which weapon wasn’t used, and where the crime didn’t happen.
Spoiler alert:

It was the goat with the stick in the tool shed the whole time!

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